I Am a Kind Man, Not a Nice Man
A Biblical Study on Manhood, Strength, Vision, and Restraint (KJV)
There is a difference between being kind and being nice, and in this generation the two are often confused.
I am a kind man.
I am not a nice man.
Niceness seeks approval. It desires to be liked. It gives in order to receive. It smiles in order to secure position.
Kindness is different.
Kindness does what is right because it is right — whether it is seen, rewarded, or misunderstood.
The Scriptures declare in the King James Version:
“Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” — Ephesians 4:32
Kindness is not transactional.
It is covenantal.
If you are thirsty, I will bring you water before you are dying.
Not for applause. Not for leverage. But because righteousness demands it.
A nice man may also bring water — but he watches your response. He measures your gratitude. He expects something in return.
Kindness serves God.
Niceness serves ego.
The Appearance of a Warrior
Throughout my life I have been told I look like a Viking. Strong frame. Intense eyes. A presence that fills a room.
But a warrior’s first responsibility is not dominance — it is protection.
His first allegiance is not to the crowd.
It is to his household.
Scripture confirms this order:
“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” — 1 Timothy 5:8
A man who disperses himself to please everyone while neglecting his home is not righteous — he is disordered.
So when someone asks why I am not overly warm to every man in the room, the answer is simple:
Discernment is not cruelty.
When I meet a child or an elderly woman, kindness flows freely. Scripture commands protection for the vulnerable.
When I meet another man, respect is not automatically given — it is mutually recognized.
“Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” — Proverbs 27:17
Strength meets strength. Character recognizes character.
A watchman who smiles at every stranger and throws open the gates without testing their spirit is not loving — he is careless.
“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” — Proverbs 4:23
A man must guard his gates.
A Man of God and the Governance of Fire
Strength without restraint is brutality.
Strength under control is godliness.
The fruit of the Spirit includes temperance — self-control (Galatians 5:23).
There was a moment in one of the largest Bible museums in America where reverence and technology collided. Surrounded by preserved Scriptures — pages men once bled to protect — a request to see an old Bible was answered instead by turning to artificial intelligence.
To some it was harmless.
To me, it was symbolic.
When the tangible Word is set aside for a machine’s response, something sacred trembles.
Anger rose in me — not from ego, but from reverence.
But I did not flip tables.
I did not strike anyone.
I stepped away.
That restraint is the difference between rage and righteousness.
“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” — Proverbs 16:32
To rule your spirit is greater than conquest.
When I was younger, I walked away from fights — not because I was weak, but because I understood my strength. There were moments I was pushed into corners, and force answered force. I am not proud of those moments. But they taught me something vital:
The most dangerous man in the room is not the loudest.
It is the one who knows what he is capable of — and chooses peace.
To the Woman Seeking a Man of God
Now let me speak plainly to the woman praying for a kind man, a man of God.
Understand this:
It is not always about what you see in the immediate moment.
It is about what he is doing when no one is looking.
Character is formed in private long before it is displayed in public.
Watch closely.
Does he see a home on an empty lot?
Does he stand on bare ground and envision walls not yet framed, prayers not yet spoken, children not yet born?
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” — Hebrews 11:1
A godly man often sees what others cannot yet perceive.
He builds before there is visible reward.
He prepares before there is visible need.
He may not even have a favorite color for the walls — because he is not obsessed with controlling outcomes. He lays the structure. He allows life within it to form its own beauty.
He does not force the future.
He prepares for it.
The Father’s Pattern
A righteous man does not impose his unfulfilled dreams onto his children.
He guides.
He guards.
He provides.
But he does not dominate their destiny.
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” — Proverbs 22:6
Training is not forcing. It is forming.
He leads them to the rivers of life.
He teaches them to swim.
He stands ready to throw a lifeline if needed.
Yet he trusts the strength he has instilled within them.
And when they walk in integrity without supervision — when they show kindness without prompting — he is proud.
Because the kindness he planted has borne fruit.
Vision Beyond the Immediate
Sometimes a woman sees intensity and mistakes it for harshness.
Sometimes she sees quiet calculation and mistakes it for distance.
But discernment often looks like stillness.
A man of God thinks generationally.
He is not always reacting to the present room.
He may be guarding the future house.
He may be fighting battles in prayer you cannot see.
He may be protecting doors you do not yet know exist.
That is not coldness.
That is awareness.
The Heart of Biblical Manhood
Biblical manhood is not niceness.
It is:
-
Protection without apology
-
Provision without complaint
-
Discernment without paranoia
-
Kindness without transaction
-
Strength without cruelty
-
Fire under authority
“Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.” — Matthew 5:5
Meekness is not weakness.
It is power harnessed.
If I were weak, my kindness would be meaningless — it would simply be incapacity disguised as virtue.
But when a man who can dominate chooses mercy, that is Christlike.
Why I Am a Kind Man
I am kind because I know what I can do.
I understand my strength.
I understand the consequences of unleashing it.
And I choose restraint.
That restraint is not weakness.
It is obedience.
It is easier to be nice.
It is harder to be righteous.
Niceness seeks applause.
Kindness seeks alignment with God.
So yes — I am a kind man.
Not because I lack the ability to do harm.
But because I fear God more than I fear man.
And the man who understands his power, governs it, builds quietly, guards faithfully, and guides gently —
That man is not merely nice.
He is kind.
Comments
Post a Comment